This text is a translation of Confessions of an asexual Slut, Part 2 , Edited by David Jay in July 2006.
To all my listeners * sex, do not take it badly. It's true, you know I have nothing but love to give, and I know you know I know the share. You see, I learned about the human sexual intimately. I learned to see inside of you, through you, in your corner, and I pulled my conclusion: sex makes a bit prudish.
is one thing to another s'aspirer face or play ping-pong with his bodily fluids, but when we talk about real and tangible non-sexual intimacy, half of you not afraid to show even a pin.
What I mean when I say "intimate," I'm not talking about when we look into the whites of the eyes to light candles, holding hands. I talk about vulnerability, look for the most sensitive areas of our being and see how it feels with. From my experience, if you can do it, do you really know it, it will be much more intense than any sexual relationship. Because deep, sensitive areas below the belt are, at best, a nice metaphor for what happens inside.
I would like to address all asexuals, for help to step back and have a vision. Really, I love sex, but they always have a maddening tendency to pretend that we, the asexuals, do not exist. They begin by denying the existence of our entire population, and when they finally agree they want to completely ignore our existence as potential partners. Other intellectuals of the community and I attribute that to what we call "opposition sexual / non-sexual", that is to say, the idea that pleasures, desires and relationships that are "sexual "are fundamentally different pleasures, desires and relationships that are not. You can
do a little experiment to understand what I mean. Describe someone a person very close, leaving a large ambiguity on the fact that you are "just friends" or "more" with the person. Your partner will become more and more nervous, and eventually you stop in mid-sentence to see if you perform tricks together in the same way that you would stop if you were talking to a newborn without mentioned characteristics of his genitals.
Why? Because most people are unable to see sexual relations in a serious manner if it is not about sex. For them, relationships with a large R are in a class, friendship is another, and sex is the line of demarcation. They consider us half a second, me (not so ugly that) and my asexuality, and begin to lament the fact that we can never cross that line, declaring myself once and for all unable to make their desire that 'they might experience.
It's almost cute.
I have already spoken in the first part, but I can make more desire than the bartender in the tavern marine heat on the Isle of whores. In fact, interest in sex is never just sex. Whenever someone is attracted sexually by me, there are plenty of small non-sexual desires underlying struggle to reach the surface. The desire for things such as validation of the other, security, privacy, power or relief. A person can pretend that these wishes did not exist, as if her need for sex was far from pure and disgusting feelings like vulnerability. But desire will return a single result to make it stronger, and a strong desire is exactly what this bartender likes.
That's the secret sex in itself is always annoying. I've never seen a sexual person, not even one, who loves sex for sake of the penis into the vagina. In bars, clubs or student parties alcoholic, people who flirt in search of one-night sizzle with sexual energy not. They want to show off the gallery, they want to prove they are capable, they want to relax, they want to be close to someone without having to bother to stay. The new couples are beyond the need to be tender, to make the other happy, to build their privacy or to avoid it, to assert their power over the other or to renounce it. All people who have sex do so for a reason. It gets interesting when people stop have a reason. When they seek nothing more, when everything in their marriage has been solved and goes like clockwork, the sex is no longer in question. It's like a bucket of water: it splashing when something shakes the handle.
Listen up, all my shameless asexual budding. The next time someone starts to drag, or complain that he can not find anyone to put in his bed, look good. Look beyond sex, beyond the sexual frustration, anxiety and body tension and repressed, and try to see what shakes the bucket handle this one. Tell him, who knows how it will react.
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* audios This article first podcast (available at the same address).
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