This text is a translation of Sexual Relationships With people , edited by David Jay in August 2006.
Most people I am close to have sex. I like my privacy based on the communities to which I belong, none of these relationships is really a relationship with a big R, but it is still worth the shot out. I was able to do a lot of things in my relationships without the question of sexuality arises (or at least without it becoming uncontrollable.)
My secret was to learn to blur the boundaries between the Friendship and loving relationship. It is essential for people sex in a relationship without sex is extremely limited. After all, relationships are where they are supposed to live their sexuality, and ask them to have sex without asking them to return to silence much of themselves. The alternative, as we know only too well, is asking us to silence a part of us and have forced sex with regard to our partner. The relationship is forced to grow around a fundamental incompatibility. Our ability to tolerate the sexual and the capacity of our partner tolerate his absence should stretch painfully until they join. It works. If a Montague and a Capulet arrive to build a relationship, a sexual and an asexual can surely too, but not necessarily pretty.
Let us be clear, this is NOT the way I do. Maybe I marinated a little too long in the pot of lavender AVEN, but an arrangement to this point focused on sexuality makes me shudder with horror. If my years of pranks asexual taught me one thing though is that every time we talk about sex, it never really about sex. We must dig a little further.
What people mean by sex "sexual need"? Science has never found any negative effect to happen because of sex, apart from the general theory which means that having too feel like something is wrong and punish. When they did not have sex, they become in theory (but not necessarily in practice) in a bad mood, and it's not fun to be with someone in a bad mood. It might be useful to stop seeing sexuality as a natural impulse, and see it as a kind of identity. For most of you who hear me *, asexuality is a part important to you. You can see it as a toolbox of ideas and definitions we use to reflect on ourselves and our relationships, to describe people and generally to live without being completely lost. (That does not mean that many of us have not been.) And if the same was true of sexuality? And if sex and desires that go with it were such an integral part of how people view themselves and sexual life that suddenly ask them to live in a world without sex would be to request that we live in a world without a future?
(This is not to compare AVEN and sex, you know which one is better.)
So people need not only sex sex for endorphins, they need to be studied and understood. The important thing to understand is that we do not have to be the arena of their thoughts to be close to them. We did not even help them, everything that has to do is to avoid being in their paws. Sexual people are equally capable of non-sexual intimacy than us, they have simply used less.
So how does one avoid being in their legs? Point out the facts. Unless your partner dying to explore her sexuality with someone who has neither experience nor interest in the thing, his relationship with you is probably not the arena he seeks. If you have never had sex, play the card of virginity. People swoon at the universe of erotic possibilities that they opened their first time, you would look at your watch and wondering if there is something good on TV. And without accounts apothecary, does your partner really anything to lose from a relationship with you? If looking for sex, intimacy and life companion, and did more searching than sex, is not it a great improvement ?
must admit, this is where it becomes tricky. As I said in previous podcasts, I'm an easy boy, most of my friends are too, and none of us really has difficulty in separating the intimacy of sex. Everybody was not so lucky. For some, sex, intimacy and the couple's life can not be separated so easily. This is not because privacy and married life is just one immutable sexual desire comes with them. (See Exhibit number one, in which people are sexually intense platonic relationship with each other since the dawn of time.) This is because when the intimacy and the couple's life are served with fries and a slice of cake AVEN, sex is a la carte. Your partner does not want to become more intimate because it reserves for a relationship that will include sex and like a miracle will happen one day on his white horse.
In this kind of time it takes to point out the problem of logic there is to "reserve" for someone else. The trick with really great love is always there. Love is action, not a commodity: when you love more, we become best in love. And unless that relationship looking to meet all needs is a job of 40 hours per week (in this case, stop it!), There is no reason it can not make this relationship by conducting richer relationship with you as far as possible. And who knows? Once he is served a good big slice of cake AVEN, the white horse may seem increasingly out of a fairy tale.
____________________________
* audios This article first podcast (available at the same address).
0 comments:
Post a Comment